Don’t Touch That Cookie

Unfortunately in life, many people who know what is right and wrong, still choose the wrong path. Their selfish actions hurt others around them, and causes unnecessary misery. Their victims, unable to avenge themselves, often take comfort in the belief that somewhere down the line, whether in this life or the next, karma will eventually pay them back.

Of course sometimes it is the blue face of Karma itself which sends them on to the next life…

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Please Keep Your Freedumb Away From My Freedom

I am just days away from a two week holiday to my hometown of Vancouver Canada, it is always nice to see the west coast of Canada in the spring, often during this time of year the trees will blossom, adding some incredible colors to the already beautiful scenery, and a sweet scent to the cool fresh air. I am also of course very much looking forward to seeing my family and friends, who are the reason for the trip.

After making some plans to visit friends, a discussion about me started amongst my various acquaintances back home, and eventually, some of this discussion came back to me though hearsay. Apparently not all of my friends think I am doing very well in life, and by their measurement, which is salary, I guess I am not, but I do not measure my life in salary, if I did I would have kept some of the high paying jobs I had in the past, or taken some that were offered to me along the way, but I did not, because instead of salary, I measure my life in how much free time I get to experience, free time I often spend with my son, or traveling, reading, and writing.

Consumer PrisionerInevitably during my trip back to Canada as I visit with the few friends that can find enough time off work to see me, they may give me advice, as they often have before, about how I should change my life to be more like theirs, forgetting that I had lived that way for too many years already, with the waking up to an alarm, rushing to work, wearing a shirt, tie and black socks, eating when I’m told to, and then rushing back home at the end of the day. Many just can’t seem to understand that even though I hardly make any money at all by writing, programming, and selling shirts on the internet for a living, it is exactly the type of life I hope to live forever. To me what I have is something closer to true freedom, than the common illusion of it, which is humorously defined on the web today as freedumb.

As they suggest I dust off my work clothing, which I assume still exists somewhere in my closet, to get a “real job”, and make some real money, I will likely just nod politely, and think to myself, “Please keep your freedumb away from my freedom.”

Below are three videos, with a combined total of only seven minutes, they are all great clips, that I feel relate perfectly to normal corporate life and real freedom.

Enjoy!

Dating Surprise WTF ?!

I have been reading fellow writer and friend, Robert Morshel’s blog for a short while now, and have found him to be always good for a laugh, so I invited him to come write a post for me here at Chasing Carrots inspired by the the acronym W.T.F. Thankfully he accepted and this is what he came up with. Enjoy!

WTF By: Robert Morshel

The sheets rustled and I opened my eyes. The room was still dark, but I felt the mattress give and heard the sound of feet softly padding to the bathroom. The click of a switch suddenly flooded the bed with painful light, and I closed my eyes until the door closed. I listened to clack of the toilet seat, followed by a gentle, persistent trickle of water that stirred my own bladder.

What a night. Whatever her name was, she had had a voracious, almost Amazonian, sexual appetite that had worn me thoroughly out. Six, seven times, was it? Before last night I would have thought it impossible at my age, but she had somehow, almost supernaturally, seemed to know all the things that a man needs and wants, and had extracted every ounce of desire that I possessed. My loins stirred painfully at the memories. What a woman.

The toilet flushed, and was followed by the sound of humming and washing of hands. Her voice seemed deeper than I recalled but I paid it no mind, at least until the door opened, and before me stood a lithe, and enviably well-endowed young man. His lipsticked mouth broke into a toothy grin when he saw me gawping at him. “Ah, Mr Jones. Ready for another round?”

Bio:
Robert Morschel, writer of software in London, and words at mulledvine.com.

WTF

WTF ? !

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Lighting flashes through the dark sky, and a cold heavy rain falls on the late night delivery truck as it lowers it’s precious cargo down from the rear. Curious zoo workers look in at the young panda, sitting very still at the back of it’s cage, facing the wall, seeming too focused on his own thoughts, to be interested in where he is, or the commotion around him.

The cage touches the ground, and the sky explodes in a blinding flash of lightning, a deafening clap of thunder follows, and a disoriented moment later, the workers notice the cage is now empty, except for a claw etched image of a ghostly figure on it’s back wall.

A passing crazy old guy begins to shout, “Evil will no longer allow itself to be contained !” and begins to slowly unbutton his trousers.

Satan Gave Me A Taco – Beck – Video and Lyrics

If you ever run into Satan, it is very important that you do not take anything from him.

Just look what happened to Beck.

Satan Gave Me A Taco – Lyrics


Satan gave me a taco and it made me really sick
The chicken was all raw and the grease was mighty thick
The rice was all rancid and the beans were so hard
I was gettin’ kinda dizzy eatin’ all the lard
There was aphids on the lettuce an’ I ate every one
An’ after I was done the salsa melted off my tongue
Pieces of tortilla got stuck in my throat
An’ the stains on my clothes burned a hole through my coat
My stomach was a-tremblin’ and I broke out in a rash
I was so dry and thirsty and I didn’t have no cash
So I went and found a hose, tore off all my clothes
Turned on the water and it shot right up my nose
Some old lady came along and she thought I was a freak
So she beat me with a handbag till I could hardly speak
I was lying there naked, my body badly bruised
In a pool of my own blood, unconscious and confused
Well, the cops came and got me and threw me in their van
And I woke up on the ceiling and I couldn’t find my hand
They took me to the judge, his eyes a-glowin’ red
The courtroom was filled with witches and the dead
Well, the sheriff was a hellhound with fangs and claws
The prisoners were tied up and chained to the walls
The air was gettin’ thick; the smoke was gettin’ thicker
The judge read the verdict: said, “Cut off his head!”
Well, they placed me on the altar, and they raised up the axe
My head was about to explode when I noticed the Marshall stacks
I noticed all the smoke machines, cameras and the lights
Some guy with a microphone, runnin’ around dancin’ in tights
And I noticed the crew and the band playin’ down below
And I realized I was in a rock videoSo I went and joined the band and I went out on tour
And I smoked a lot of heroin and I passed out in manure
I made out with the groupies, started fires backstage
I made a lot of money and I gave it all away
Well, the band got killed, so I started a solo career
And I won all the awards and I drank all the beer
I opened up a taco stand just to smell the smell
Cookin’ with the devil; frying down in hell

(spoken)
Today’s ah-August 4, 1982; i’m really bored
There was some dead animals we played with
There was a weed whacker, we stole two of them
A cop car was on fire
My friend scott, he was running and he slipped on a twinky
And his nose was covered with blood
Security helicopter shot a spotlight
Somebody pulled their pants down

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